It’s that time of year

Well, I have done it again.  I have watched a group of young people work their way through middle school and high school and then go off to college.   And, once again, I have underestimated the toll it would take on me emotionally.

Just this past week the last few students from the class of ’10 left for college. They have been slowly trickling away for 2 or 3 weeks.  And now, they are all gone.  They attend their last youth service, say their good-byes, then they pack up their things and leave town.  I know I will miss them, but it is not until they are gone that I realize just how much.  I suppose it is the nature of youth ministry, something most youth pastors can identify with and experience at the end of every summer.  After spending 4, 5, or 6 years investing in, pouring into and loving these students, the time comes for them to move on.  My first time through this cycle it caught me off guard.  I became nearly depressed when students I had grown so attached to left.  Now I know what to expect, but it is still no fun.

I knew I would miss them, but last night, after the kids were in bed, and I had a moment to sit and reflect, it hit me.  I became quite emotional as I lamented that my time with these students has essentially come to an end.  In 1 Thessalonians 2:8 Paul said, “We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”

It is one thing to simply preach to people.  It is quite another to share your life, to love those you minister to and to allow them to become dear to you.  Learning to care more deeply makes you incredibly vulnerable.  It makes you susceptible to heartache. But I am learning to be more like Paul, and despite these risks, I am “delighted” to do so.

first day of kindergarten

This morning I took my oldest daughter to school for her first day of kindergarten.  Last night I helped my wife pack her lunch.  This morning, she dressed in her new school clothes, gathered her new lunch box, school supplies and backpack and we headed off to school.  During the first week I am allowed to walk her to her class.  We prayed in the car together before gettingt out.  We walked through the hallways and found her class.  After situating her things in her locker it was time to give her a hug and leave her in her class.

For the last several weeks she has been very nervous about starting school.  She has cried and pleaded not to go.  She has asked innumerable questions about what it will be like through streaming tears and a quivering chin.  But yesterday all of that gave way to a new found bravery.  She decided she was excited for school.  At first the proclamations of excitement were tentative, but over the course of the day her confidence grew.  She went to bed with no problems.  She got up and ready for school with no signs of anxiety or fear.

But as I gave her a hug and prepared to leave she clung to me.  As I knelt on her classroom floor, our arms wrapped around each other, she whispered in my ear, “daddy, I don’t want you to go.” She didn’t want the hug to end.  Neither did I.  After another squeeze I pulled back my head to look her in the eye and reassure her.  Her eyes were welling with tears but she didn’t give in to them.  I could tell she was being brave.  The teacher came and took her by the hand and led her to a table to color with some of the other kids.  I left the room but didn’t go far.  I stood in the hallway and watched for a while, not doing nearly as good a job fighting tears as she did.

This afternoon I will pick her up from school and celebrate a great first day.  I want to hear all about her day over some ice cream.  And then, tomorrow, we will do it all over again.

10 & 33

Today is the first day of school for students where I live.  I know that technically it is still summer, but once school begins it feels like the page has been turned and summer has come and gone.  This past summer I have celebrated both a birthday and an anniversary.  I am currently 33 years old and have been married for 10 years.

Anyway, I thought I would reflect on a few things I have learned over the years. Here are 4 lessons I have learned and am learning.

1. What I thought I had figured out I didn’t and probably still don’t.- In some ways it seems like my education on life is moving backwards.  I once had it all figured out, or so I thought.  Then, as I  I began to mature, I started to understand that maybe I don’t have it all figured out, just slightly more than those around me.  This trend of realizing I know less and less has continued until eventually I reached the point where I am now, in awe of how little I know and overwhelmed by just how many things there are out there to know.  I probably should not have started a list of things I have learned by proclaiming how little I know, but maybe this will serve as a disclaimer of some sort.

2. It keeps getting better.- I really think my life keeps getting better and better.  Learning to persevere has been key.  I have seen repeatedly that hard times have eventually yielded to things being even better than before the onset of the difficult times.  This has held true in my marriage, my career, my ministry, and in my relationships in general.

3. life goes fast.- I feel like I am constantly aware of how quickly time passes.  All of my life I have heard people warn of how fleeting time is. I never doubted them, but I also never understood just how right they were/are.  I don’t know if most people think about this as much as I do, but sometimes I almost feel like life is moving so quickly that I am just sitting and watching it whirl by.  My wife and I will sometimes say things like, “can you believe we have been married 10 years?” or, “can you believe we are parents and have 3 kids?”   In a lot of ways I feel like I should still be in college or finishing up high-school or something. But nope, I am 33 and married with children.  I am happy to be where I am, but shocked at how right the “it goes so fast” people have been.

4. People have a profound affect on people.- I think we constantly underestimate the impact we have on others and the impact they have on us.  When I look back at my life it is amazing what a significant role relationships have played.  Where I am and who I am is in a significant way, the result of who I have been around.  I can think of numerous people whose influence on me has been monumental.  These formative relationships aren’t limited to parents and mentor types. My life has been significantly impacted, even just recently, by people who I have had very limited contact with.  It is a mistake to ignore how immense our effect on one another is.

So there you have it.  33 years of life and 10 years of marriage have taught me 4 things.